A Race And A Frolic

A RACE AND A FROLIC !

Past JEREMIAH SMITH.

It was a drizzley day, and the weeping boughs of the trees, and angle tops of the alpine cane that hung over the road had completely saturated my article of clothing. Cold, wet, and hungry, I halted at the door of the just � institution� in the hamlet of H------ at which strangers could � tie up.� The business firm was built of hewn logs, and above the door the sign of � Union Hotel� had first caught my centre and gave promise of a dinner of ham and � corn dodgers ;� merely when I surveyed the crowd about the door � hope withering fled !� It was � the day of the race� simply the race was over, and winners and losers were assembled for a frolic. A hurra and a shout greeted my arrival.

� How practice you lot get it ?� inquired a stout man at my stirrup.

� 2 to 1, if y'all dare, on Medley !�

� Plank the pewter,� said another--� no cure no pay--hurra ! hurra ! whoopyew !� And at this I found myself borne upon the shoulders of half a dozen into the house, over chairs and stools and the fallen comrades of my supporters, until they reached the bar, where they made a deposit of their responsibleness at the counter, shouting all the while � liquor ! liquor ! sixteen glasses of brandy oddy ! hurra !� Boom went a dozen decanters, and the fragments jingled upon the floor.

It was not the kickoff time that I had travelled in this region, and what would in one case have assured me that I was in a den of cutting throats, now only served as an annoyance for the loss of dinner and balance.

The almost effectual style to make drunkenness in others at all supportable, is to go boozer yourself ; for

� --------- what�southward drinking ? A mere pause from thinking !�

So without ceremony--for remonstrance in this instance would have only made matters worse--I gulped down a strong decoction of brandy and h2o. � Get it ye cripples !� said the fellow who pushed it to me, � he�due south a captain !� Hardly had I recovered breath before some other glass was crammed at me : � come up, come,� said Jack Snooley, � don�t fret the cattle Tom,� at the same time taking the glass from the person who presented it. Emboldened past having so powerful an advocate, I begged them to let me take a little breath, but it was a short respite, and I was forced to � go it again.� A shout at the door chosen the attention of the party that way ; and looking out, I saw a long-legged boyfriend upon the back of my jaded steed human being�uvring like a militia major at a general muster. � Hold the stakes, captain, two hundred dollars bated, my weight to Tom Snooley through the paths.� The stakes were deposited and the judges selected. It was in vain that I plead the status of my horse, and advised the man to draw the bet, assuring him he would lose.� Nobody�s business,� said the passenger; � if I�m a fool my coin�southward not.� An thought struck me at the time, forced out peradventure by the brandy which had now began to operate powerfully.

� Well, gentlemen,� said I, � if my horse is to run, I must ride him myself.� No objection was made, and the swain who was mounted yelled like a Choctaw, for he was sure now that I was � a seize with teeth.� We mounted and rode to the terminate of the quarter-paths, placed the judges at their stands, and threw up � heads or tails� for � the discussion� and choice of paths. The latter resulted in my favor.--The bystanders at present began to set their bets, and the knowing ones backed my poor horse, believing that I was a regular built ane. While they were making their bets I was surveying the footing over which to make my escape from the � foul crowd� that beset me. A great flourish and parade were at present made about the starting time. At length we came up foursquare to the polls, and � Go !� was reiterated by judges and all. Abroad we went, clatter ! clatter ! clatter ! and loud roared the mob, my competitor pawing the dirt into my face like hail stones of a dark night ! All at once information technology ceased, and the yells of the crowd ceased. Looking dorsum I saw horse and rider rolling upon the ground ; but knowing the rule of � no stopping in horse-racing,� onward I went, footling caring who won so I cleared the whole field, after which I knew I would exist condom. Fortune willed information technology otherwise.--Coming up to the � Hotel,� my equus caballus after winning the race, bolted from the road, and was making full speed for the river bank--a barefaced of some thirty feet ! � Stop him ! past G--d, stop him !� shouted all hands--crack went a pistol shot, and down went my equus caballus on his knees, pitching me far over his head. How long I lay in this situation I am unable to determine, for I had taken as complete a farewell to the recollections of all earthly things as ever homo did who had � shuffled off this mortal coil.�

All was silent equally expiry at the Spousal relationship Hotel when I returned to a land of half consciousness. An old lady sat by the bedside bathing my cheeks with spirits of camphor, and a grave and respectable personage was feeling my pulse, whose eyebrow greeted me with a banal smile : � Thank God !� said the old adult female, equally I groaned and looked wildly around--the recollections of the by day confusedly mingling with strange phantoms. The remainder is soon told. The pious gentleman to whom I owe my life, was a Methodist preacher, who, if he made but few proselytes to his holy creed, had the gratification of knowing that he was the instrument through whose agency a poor mortal was preserved from being hurried unprepared into eternity. And I here take occasion to bear testimony to the many kindnesses I accept known administered at his hand. By the adjacent twenty-four hours I was able to stir, and the practiced matriarch---married woman to the landlord--placed a letter in my hand which read thus :--

� I am gratified to larn that you have recovered. You lot will find enclosed $200, which please receive as payment for your horse, and if you can delay your journey, I would be much pleased to take your company at my plantation for as many days as you tin can devote to our rude order.�

The hostess informed me that the shooting of my horse was to foreclose him from tumbling down the precipice, which would have proved certain expiry to both horse and passenger, my recollection of which corroborated the supposition. No pay would be received by any of the kind people who attended me, and I was informed that my tavern nib was paid by Helm -------, the author of the above letter. The town was now as still equally if another � race day� would never arrive. Purchasing another equus caballus, I bid cheerio to the hamlet of H......, in the Territory of Arkansas, and if ever I travel that way again, may it never exist when there is a race and a frolick on mitt. Yours, &c., J. Southward.

Manchester, Mississippi, June 5, 1836.

Source: New York Spirit of the Times 6.21 (9 July 1836): 162. University of Virginia Alderman Library.

Erin Bartels prepared this typescript.

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